what do i want?

so much of our life we walk through it by the guides and expectations of others. this helps, and builds us into the people we are, but when does it become a challenge for us to overcome? your emotions are to look like this, your relationships will develop like that, don't do this because, you should feel like that, etc.

i think as i trudge through some firsts at the age of 31, i am ripping out some of the expectation. i imagine myself pulling at them like pulling seaweed from a treble hook. you know, when you cast out and think you have a fish, but all you pull in is seaweed. there is something we assume is to be attached to these expectations, and yet they come up with something else attached, or even empty.

what does life look like coming at it without expectation, without assumptions? does this set me up for failure? does this remove our guardrails that are in place to save us?

so far life hasn't met up to what it should look like. instead of others expectations and experience i am going to trust my gut.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

Romans 8:26